Dear HOA…Kiss My A**

(Actual picture sent from HOA)

On Saturday, July 7, 2018, I received a letter from my HOA that said “during a recent inspection of the community it was noticed that there was a significant amount of weeds on your property”.  (Okay, I know I live in Colorado, but we’re talking about garden weeds here, not the marajawana kind.) They attached a photo of said weeds, and after searching the picture thoroughly, the only things I could see that might be deemed as weeds were a scrawny rose bush that can’t seem to decide if it wants to live or die, and a lovely Day Lily plant that obviously wants to live because it’s flourishing beautifully between two shrubs.

I sent an email to the HOA that day stating that there were NO weeds in my yard and if they were mistaking my two plants as weeds, then I would have to respectfully decline their suggestion to remove them.  However, if anyone on the board of the HOA or management team wanted to come by and personally show me the weeds in question, and prove they existed, I would gladly stomp those suckers to the ground immediately.

The following Tuesday I received an email back from the HOA with another picture and explanation:  “The inspector was not referring to the rose bush. I believe they were referring to the weeds or grasses that are up by the sidewalk. Thank you and have a wonderful day!”

Okay, do you see those itty bitty little green things in the bottom right corner of the picture above? Those are the excessive weeds, and yes, I know you’d have to look through a magnifying glass to see them.  But, being a woman of my word, I went out and stomped those suckers out of existence!

Then, I sent my HOA this picture and message:

(Actual picture sent to HOA)

Dear HOA, With all the things going on in our state and the world –  forest fires ravishing our beautiful mountains; Navy Seal teams rescuing a young soccer team stuck in a flooded cave for two weeks ; and George Clooney being hospitalized after a motorcycle accident – we can all rest easy because the unsightly weeds at 104 Willow Place North have been vanquished!

To quote Garth Brooks:  “Hey, I didn’t mean to cause a big scene, just wait till I’ve finished this glass. Then, sweet HOA, I’ll head back to the bar, and you can kiss my a**!”  Thank you and have a wonderful day!

Hey, I didn’t get to be the age of Silver Disobedience by wearing a sign on my back that said Kick Me!