Beach on Mumbai

I love seeing all the posts and pictures of my friends on Facebook. Especially the ones that are traveling outside the US to exotic locations. Oh, I could travel to those places if I wanted, and I have in the past, but right now I’m a little tied to home, mainly because of my new rescue deaf dog who has severe separation anxiety, and my almost 100-year-old dad whose health goes up and down like a yo-yo. Doing any long-distance traveling isn’t in the cards for me right now.

And then there’s the fact that I seem to attract trouble, problems, complications, glitches, snags, and I’m kinda of a klutz too. I’m the Lucile Ball of the west, and I have the reputation to prove it, but that’s another story. Call me a little paranoid, because I know I am, but these are the thoughts that went through my mind as I looked through Facebook this morning:

• Oh look, there’s a picture of Jane. Doesn’t she look great on that beach. Oh! She’s in Mumbai. Mumbai?? She went there on purpose?? Hmm, wonder what’s in Mumbai? I could go to Mumbai, but I’d probably grab the wrong bag from the overhead compartment as I deplaned and would be thrust into some big espionage or kidnapping plot. Romancing the Stone would have nothing on me! But, I’d end up being rescued by Danny DeVito instead of Michael Douglas. Think I’ll pass on that one.
• Look at Deandra on that beautiful sailboat/yacht! Just cruising around the Keys on that gorgeous turquoise water and stopping at all those sugar-white beaches. I could do that. But wait, don’t those sailboats have those booms that swing around and knock people out of the boat? Yep, they do, and that’s what would happen to me. I’d drown even with two life jackets on. Overboard, Part Two! No thank you.
• Oh my! Nancy is checking into the Strand Palace Hotel in London for a night on the town and the theatre! Lucky duck! I could do that, but wait, don’t those old European theatres have balconies with low rails? Yep, they do, and I would be the one who would trip getting to her seat in the nose bleed section and tumble all the way down into the orchestra pit. Not a good way to go, so I think I’ll pass.
• Ah! What great pictures of Kathryn and her new husband in Cancun! I’ve been to Cancun so many times and I should go again. But wait. Didn’t I nearly go into anaphylaxis from eating food contaminated with seafood the last time I was there? Yep, and we were across the bay from our hotel and my luggage with my EpiPen, so I had to buy as much Benadryl as I could from the Pharmacia. I had that awful rash for days and couldn’t leave my room. Think I’ll pass.
• Oh looky! Kathy and her husband are on the beach in Costa Rica! Isn’t that cute? They’re holding up two glasses of something and toasting the beach and palm trees. Wonder what they’re drinking? Oh! A smoothie made from the local fruit. Hmm, no booze? What are they thinking? What a waste of good juice. Oh well.
• I can’t believe Darcie is brave enough to go ziplining in New Zealand! I could do that. Nope, I couldn’t. What am I thinking? I have acrophobia so bad that I would have a heart attack before I left the platform. Remember your snow skiing days and closing your eyes on the lifts? And when you’d go horseback riding in the Rockies and your horse would have to bring you down the mountain because you were hanging on to his neck for dear life with your eyes closed, and muttering Hail Mary’s under your breath even though you’re not Catholic? Whoa! I’m dizzy just thinking about it. No way Jose!

And so it goes. But someday I’m going to find the right place and the right time, and maybe I’ll bring my deaf dog with me.